I will remove the names of the gods from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked. In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and the creatures that move along the ground. Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the land, so that all may lie down in safety. I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD.
(Hosea 2:17-20 NIV)
- - - - - - - - - -
I was reading something earlier today that made me pause. I read fast and I read often, but today I got through only a few pages when I just had to stop. I walked away for a bit to let it digest. It was God speaking to me from a most unusual source. Well, at least a surprising source. I came back and read it again. Then I wrote it down and went home. I was done reading.
But let me back up a bit. The Sunday before Thanksgiving I spent the day with some of my cousins. While I was there a book caught my eye called Speaker For the Dead. I was talking with John a bit about it and decided I'd read the series of which that book was a part. So when I got home I read Ender's Game, the first book in the series. Then I read Speaker, and Ender's Shadow, and all the way through the series until I am now on the eighth and final book.
In this series Ender, the main hero for half the books, marries a woman named Novinha. Ender is a man who Is successful in everything he does. Everything he touches turns to gold. Novinha is the opposite. In the three books of which she is a part, all her ideas turn against her. Every good intention she has backfires. Every plan fails. And each time it happens she grows more bitter... more despondent. Eventually she leaves Ender and, after a while, ends up in a convent. There her life is turned around and she finds the peace that has eluded her for so long. Ender goes to the convent to confront her. It was this discussion that I was reading today:
(Ender) "You aren't very good at determining what other people want and need from you, Novinha. No one is. We're all as likely to hurt as to help."
(Novinha) "That's why I'm here, Ender. I'm through deciding things. I put my trust in my own judgment. Then I put trust in you. I put trust in Libo, in Pipo, in Father and Mother, in Quim, and everyone disappointed me or went away or... no I know you didn't go away, and I know it wasn't you that - hear me out, Ender, hear me. - The problem wasn't in the people I trusted, the problem was that I trusted in them when no human being could possibly deliver what I needed. I needed deliverance, you see. I needed... I need redemption. And it isn't in your hands to give me. Your open hands, which give me more than even you have to give, Ender, but you still haven't got the thing I need. Only my Deliverer, only the Anointed One, only He has it to give. Do you see? The only way I can make my life worth living is to give it to Him. So here I am.
- - - - - - - - - -
I don't think Gomer left Hosea because he was in any way deficient. I think she left him because she wanted "freedom". She wanted to be in control of her own life and you lose that in marriage. You are no longer responsible only to yourself, but also to another. And then there's kids who you are also responsible for. I don't think it is so much that she didn't love them as it was she loved herself too much. The same with Novinha. The same with me.
There are too many other things that I put my trust in. There are too many other gods I could name. It's not so much that I don't love God as it is I love myself too much. I like to diversify. I like to hedge my bets. I know that God has never failed me, but in case He does I can always fall back on this... or this... or this.
The problem is, all those fallback plans keep failing. And I get more and more bruised. All those other things I put my trust in fail me. And I grow more and more bitter. All those other gods I name taste like poison in my mouth. And I lose a little more the grip, the love I have for life.
That's why I need to acknowledge only the Lord. His name is like honey on my lips. That's why I need to trust only in Him. He can turn my bitterness into peace. That's why I need to fall back into His arms. He can heal my wounds.
