I was pacing. Those of you that might know me from church or from CBC might know that I tend to do that when I'm praying. Sometimes I get going back and forth and it helps me focus, it helps me hear. It has become a natural reaction when I get to a certain point of aloneness with God. I just get up and start pacing. And I was pacing. The thing is, I was at a bus stop with about twenty other people around. I can only imagine what they were thinking.
But let me back up a bit. I was bored this afternoon. I didn't have much to do or anywhere to go. And there was this AMC ticket that had been sitting in my wallet for a good six months or so. So I headed down to the theatre. I had no idea what movies were playing. The movie I picked I only picked because a) it was starting in 5 minutes and b) Halle Berry is in it.
So there I am watching this movie and in the dark, almost empty room I'm still bored. My heart and my mind were definitely not in the movie. Fortunately I was rescued by a phone call. My sister was calling to talk about a comment I'd left on her myspace. We were only talking a minute or two when my cell phone died (it does that a lot). I was right about to go back into the movie when I felt God saying, "Come walk with me."
Near the theatre there is a vacant space that used to be an Office Max. I was standing outside it when I heard Him say, "Do you see it?" As I turned around to look inside I could see it as clearly as I could see my reflection in the glass. The empty space was packed. People were standing and kneeling and laying all over the place inside. For those who don't know what it looks like in a service, or meeting, or location where the Holy Spirit is moving in that way, it is a bit difficult to describe what I was seeing inside that empty lot. But as I watched these people kneeling and weeping, or standing with arms raised singing a song I couldn't hear I heard someone say, "Holy holy holy is the Lord God Almighty. The whole earth is filled with His glory."
And that is when I started pacing. From the end of that empty window to the bus stop I was pacing those thirty or so steps and saying inside, "Holy holy holy holy holy." I was still doing this at a gradually increasing pace some fifteen minutes later when the bus pulled up. As I got on the bus I pulled out my MP3 player. Almost immediately I could hear the soft electric guitar paying that catchy intro.
A thousand times I've failed still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again I'm caught in Your embrace
Even though I had been at a movie I knew I had no business watching, even though my idleness and boredom and apathy were directing my steps, even though I wasn't looking for God. He was leading me to Himself. When I stumble, He catches me and holds me again. As I heard this I put the song on repeat and began mouthing the words standing on that crowded bus where I had room only to continue pacing in my heart.
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
I could picture again in my mind looking into that open space. God's glory His impact continues moving forward when our daily business fails or moves on. Though the purpose of that room will change with the seasons (I remember a Halloween store using the space for a month or so), He never changes.
Your will above all else my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing You praise
As I heard these words the second time through I heard Him, "If you're gonna praise me, sing out. I don't care where you are, why should you?" So I did. I closed my eyes and just started singing it. Not rudely or loud, but with heart. A tear was forming under my tightly shut eyelid. I'm sure people were staring at me cross eyed but they were no longer significant. I was getting lost in praising Him. I didn't need to see. I knew this route well enough to know when my stop was coming.
In my heart and my soul I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out.
As my thumb hit the button and the bell rang for my stop there were tears flowing freely from both of my shut eyes. This had been bottled up so long inside of me. For so long I have remained so calm and reserved and intellectual. Everything that had been so bottled inside me, all my love for Him that had not found a true outlet for so long was just flowing out of me. As I stepped off that bus my voice was raised as I sung out,
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord my soul cries out
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"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty. The whole earth is filled with His glory." The word in that scripture that we translate glory is "kavad". It means weight. Not weight like I weigh 180 pounds. It's more like I don't know pressure. A weight you can feel bearing down on You. It also means significance. Every moment, if we chose to feel it, we can feel the weight of His glory. It covers the earth. Everywhere, from empty storefronts to crowded busses, His significance, that should never go unnoticed, is there. Wherever we go, His glory goes with us. Whatever we speak, His glory is heard.
when I let go and let it all out (which to be honest-is on the rare occasion) it's soooo amazing and i feel like i'm floating in God's love is it the same for you? I just feel so overwhelmed I gotta praise him. God's awesomeness and love. Why should we hold back our praise?? I sometimes get those whispers to my heart from God.
well- you've encouraged me. no matter how strange we may look- we are after all exiles in this world. I hope God can build me up to praise him freely just like this- as scarey as it is. why should we hold back or bottle it all up inside-why not let our lamps be seen!
you've encouraged me brother! (again). thankyou. Never stop praising him!! He deserves all that we can give our creator and life sustainor
hello BJ, You had a wonderful experience with Our Father. That was how GOd loves you and reminds you of his faithfulness .For me there are times i felt exactly the same way as you had experience that right in that moment i just wanna cry out loud to Him.I cry not because im sad its because i felt his presences with in me and the soft voice.IN him I find LOVE.So Marvelous. Thank you for putting this into your blog,Now i know im not alone that feel the same way, even some co-Christian across the miles.We had the same spirit wherever we are.God bless you
I call it getting Hijacked by God. He does it frequently, but I don't mind. He knows what I like and need way more than I do. That song is an awesome song. But my favorites are Jesus Freak by d.c. Talk (blasting as loud as I can stand it from my speakers in my car with the windows rolled down!) Also Made to Love by TobyMac puts me on top of the world whenever I hear it. Stong Tower by Kutlass when I'm afraid, sad, or happy works with it too! Praying for Sunny Days by Hyper Static Union, always cheers me up especially on rainy or cold days. Drifter by December Radio just touches me, takes me back to where I was before Christ and makes me grateful after Christ.
I found your blog by posting something from mine about my Church that I have found that I am sooo in love with! Feel free to visit my blog too at blog.myspace.com/ZudaToYou.
is it the same for you? I just feel so overwhelmed I gotta praise him. God's awesomeness and love. Why should we hold back our praise?? I sometimes get those whispers to my heart from God.
). thankyou. Never stop praising him!! He deserves all that we can give 
our creator and life sustainor
