Crosspoint

OK, so I haven't posted in a while. There's a reason for that (besides I haven't been to the lib in a while). I don't know what to write. I started out on a journey to try to understand myself and God on an intellectual level better. What ended up happening is that I'm falling in love with Him all over again. (I guess I should have expected that, huh)

Anyways, it's not that I haven't been thinking and trying to work out what what to write next or what direction to take this stream of thought. It's just that everything I've seen (experiential revelation) has been personal and, well, not very *intellectually* stimulating. But I think I've got it. (BTW this is the first time I'm actually posting this directly to the computer rather than copying over what I've put down on paper, so if it doesn't seem to have the same flow or fell... well, deal with it.)

Anyways, Matt Redman wrote a song that can express a bit of what I've been going through these past couple weeks (and beyond).

This is a time for seeing and singing
This is a time for breathing You in
And breathing out Your praise
Our hearts repsond to Your revelation
All you are showing, all we have seen
Commands a life of praise

No one can sing of things they have not seen
God, open our eyes towards a greater glimpse
The glory of You, the glory of You
God, open our eyes towards a greater glimpse

Worship starts with seeing You...
Our hearts respond to Your revelation

That's truth. Truth both about the source of true worship and also the product of one who truly seeks after God. I can remember the moment I first realized that my motivations and actions had shifted from trying to *understand* God into trying to *see* God. It was about eleven last Thursday night and I was sitting on a swing at Floral park. But before I go further I need to back up and share a little of that day.

I got up that morning about 6:30 AM and headed up with Johnny Serrano to the mall so we can hop on a crowded bus for four hours driving 200 miles to go sit in an oversized bowl along with 52,000 other idiots braving a heat index of 106 degrees to watch a couple dozen men divided into two teams try to hit a ball with a stick and then run in circles. About every half an hour I would go down two flights of stairs and walk about a quarter mile to refill a 32 oz bottle at the water fountain and once or twice drop $7 for some processed meat product. The guy sitting directly in front of me got his program decorated with pigeon poop and the guy directly behind me poured about $5 worth of beer (half a cup) on my back. It was a great day (and yes, the guys I was cheering for did a much better job at running those circles).

So you're thinking, what on earth does this have to do with God? Or even with revelation? Well, back to the park... I was sitting there on the swing just looking up at the stars and thinking of the immensity of it all. I was thinking how far I'd gone in that bus today, and how long it took yet when you look at a world map Bing and NYC are right next to each other. That distance is just a small fraction of the size of our world. Yet beyond that you could fit millions of those tiny balls we like to call earth inside of our sun. Our sun is just below average as far as stars go and there's trillions of stars in the known universe which I've heard it claimed is about 10% of the hypothesized universe. I can't wrap my mind around that immensity though I was trying. What I could grasp was the number 50,000. I saw that many people that day.

So I was thinking about revelation and like I'd ended with my previous blogs how understanding God is dependant on him. We cannot get to him by our own means but he, in His mercy comes to us. Just imagine if I were to try and jump the wall and run out to meet Derek Jeter on the baseball field. It might be possible to get close or even to touch him, but that's about it and only briefly before the Five O are dragging my butt someplace else. But imagine if Derek Jeter picked me out of the crowd of 52,000 people, stepped off the field and came up to me. It would blow my mind.

As difficult as it would be for me to reach DJ, it is child's play compared to the impossibility of us, through our efforts and intellect, to reach God. Yet God (the transcendant God who is greater than the universe) has singled me out from among all the billions of people on this little speck of a rock spining around a mediocre sun on the far corner of a smallish galaxy, stepped out of his *world* and into mine and introduced himself.

As I was thinking about this at the park I literally curled up into a ball and wept. It is so amazing. It is so humbling. The mind shut off and the worship began through tears of gratitude. As I opened with a song from Matt Redman I want to close here with one from Mercy Me.

Forgive me if I stare
But I am taken back
That You would let me here
Regardless of my past
Oh my hands are shaking now
But I catch my breathe somehow
Oh, I am free at last

Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me

Tell me how I got here
I couldn't make it on my own
Just tell me I can stay
Cause it feels so much like home
And I lose all track of time
When I look into Your eyes
Your love is all I know

Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me

I'm aware I'm in a place I couldn't be
If You weren't there to call my name and rescue me

Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name

I'm unaware that I still breathe
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me