I was sitting there, bummed after a pretty rough day at work, listening to Plumb, and playing NCAA football on PS2 when the song "I can't do this" started playing. [I'm inserting the lyrics here]
I woke up late Guess I'm never really early I hesitate, only to fail I get so tired, of procrastinating I need a change
I can't do this, I can't do this I can't do this by myself I can't do this, I can't do this Oh God, I need Your help
I'm standing still I'm oh, so peaceful I can't pretend, that I'm fine I get so ill, crazy, agitated When I've not really died
I can't do this...
Press into me Breathe me in Bask in me You'll be free to do anything
I can't do this, I can't do this I can't do this by myself I can't do this, I can't do this Oh God, I need Your help
Being the cynical fart that I sometimes can be, I muttered, "The girl is codependant". I said it like it's a curse word, or, at least, mockery. Like, "The girl is helpless." Or, "The girl is a fool." Or perhaps, "The girl is an emotional wreck."
And then the spiritual voice in me that can get so annoying when I'm in one of my moods said, "So? Why is that such a bad thing." My mind went over some other things I've read in the past like "Iron Sharpens Iron" (Stu Weber?) and No Man Is An Island (Thomas Merton) and Theology For the Community of God (I have no idea who the author was). The main point in all of them is that God has made us to be "codependant".
Paul says it this way, "I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn't just a single part blown up into something huge. It's all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. If Foot said, "I'm not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don't belong to this body," would that make it so? If Ear said, "I'm not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don't deserve a place on the head," would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.
"But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn't be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, "Get lost; I don't need you"? Or, Head telling Foot, "You're fired; your job has been phased out"? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other waythe "lower" the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it's a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn't you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair?
"The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part."
What, after all, is bearing one another's burdens if not co-dependancy? I need you. I need you to need me. That is the way God made me, and you and us together. Freud is an idiot. Co-dependancy is not a sickness, it's a cure.
The thing with codependance is it's only really a bad thing if the other person is abusive to you, or if it cripples your ability to function. Assuming God isn't going to harm you, it's not a problem (Miriam, Job.....)
Even though humans want to assume we're all independant, lone wolves, we're really more like a herd animal.
From the beginning, God created us to be fanatically dedicated to him. We're supposed to go crazy at the mention of his name. For every love song ever sung, he is intended to be the lover. Co-dependency isn't wrong when it's totally aimed at him.
A few years ago, I read Dr. James Dobson's book _Love Must Be Tough_ and I learned a lot about this. Not that I've mastered the concept yet, but I know what my goal is. I'm to try to be completely his. So if we can focus ourselves on him and put him first, co-dependency is turned into God-dependency. I love that concept and pursuing that goal is my life's purpose.
About your quote, here's one source:
Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
I think co-dependency began to become a bad thing sometime during the 50-70's. In and before the early 1900's people depended on each other. Children depended on parents and parents depended on children. Talk to any senior who lived during the depression era and they will tell you how they looked after one another. Now people are so dependent and way too busy. Woman don't help each other. It's every woman for herself. I think there could be a lot more "healthy" co-dependency going on.
